Aint no smooth sailing...

It seems my life is taking a very rough course of a turnabout...
Nothing aint goin smooth sailing, n its a messed up life...


Tryin to fix it yet to no avail...
Soo ive been pondering y its as it has been


The only deduction that i can come out with is that mayb GOD is testing me now
To c whether my determination at this point will be the same as always since,
I've strayed frm my true choice of path abit with some negative thoughts
This stray was due to my immaturity which allowed me to be easily overtaken by my emotions n not being my composed self...
Oh how can regain myself?


Rite now, my mind is jus wondering around like ball rolling down a road waiting for a wall to block its way...
Im getting indecisive especially things that involves my livelihood issues such as my personal life, family, academics...
Yet, work is unaffected as an issue as its sumting that has to be done without much effort of using my mind...

Basically, working to me is sumthing that my body does by itself since its a norm that i do always since many yrs ago...
OK, OK, mayb not that many yrs ago but i've been doing it since aftr my O's

Y is working different than academics which i've been doing since i was a kid?
the difference is obvious to many ppl and i tink my answer is the same to them, as general.

AARRGGHH!!!!
I cant take it anymore!!!

im gona immerse myself in soul searching during the hols ba...
I cant take much more pressure n emotional instability any more than ive already been supressing
Anymore, n i feel like ill really break.

My composed self, is gettin too weak n fragile as time passes...
Luckily my family aint around for the coming wk, that means i can take my time recovering without much disturbance ba...

HOPEFULLY>>>